I do NOT want you to think my husband is hot. In fact, I really don't want anyone looking at or considering him in that way at all. And how much more so if the person doing the gawking and ogling over my spouse is also married, or at the very least, in a dating or engaged relationship.
Being involved in a ministry that is based on purity definitely gives me a strong view on topics related, and even more so when it comes to my marriage with Rob. I waited too long for such a blessing to not be protective of him and us. There are so many different purity battles that we all regularly face, and unfortunately, we have a tendency to add to our discontent and wandering heart without even realizing it. When I pledged my heart, my love and my life to Rob through marriage, I did a couple of different things. I made a commitment to be there for Rob in all things, the good, the bad and the ugly. I also made a vow to keep myself my body, my mind, my eyes and my heart for him and no other. Until death do us part.
Now...If I spend the rest of my days with Rob, noticing other guys, commenting on another's physique, enjoying any other male companionship in any way that resembles what I should have with Rob, then I am personally putting up little time bombs into my marriage that will wait for just the right moment to explode. I certainly wouldn't want Rob to be doing those things to other women!! I spent many months watching his eyes as we began noticing one another again. What was he looking at, or better yet, what did he choose not to look at? Was he making his eyes available for the world, or was he choosing to have his eyes on the Lord, and therefore keeping his eyes on me.
There have been times in gatherings with friends that I hear the hypothetical conversations of, "If you could have one Hollywood star and no consequences who would it be?" Or another, "He is so hot! If I could just..." And then there is, "I wish my husband (boyfriend, fiancé) would: do that, be that, act like that, look like that, say those kinds of things to me." Maybe the most dangerous is the conversation between a couple, the one of, "If we could each have one other person for one night, no questions asked, who would that be??" Oh how we put our relationships in harms way with this kind of thinking and speaking. There is NO ONE that I want to do certain things with other than my husband, and I would never want him to think that I was desiring someone instead of him. The reality is, there is no option of "no consequences" and thinking this way only put chinks in the bond of my relationship with my spouse.
What has come to my attention lately is how common it is for us to flaunt not just ourselves, but our spouse for the world to see. This has become more prevalent as we have moved full speed ahead into the world of social media. Often, when we post details about dates with our spouse, or significant other, we are personally truly feeling real love and emotion with them and for them. We really did have a great time with them, or truly were surprised by a gift or special treatment from them. So then the natural tendency is to share our thoughts about how we feel with others. What ends up happening though, is we are posting how he or she may look, how they act, or our opinion about our attractions to our own spouse. (Which in and of itself is not a bad thing. I sure do hope that you are in love with your spouse and that you do tell them that as often as possible in fun and surprising ways.) However, what we post is, "look at my hot wife," or "I love you my amazingly handsome, charming, witty, smart, talented and best dad ever to our children...oh did I mention he's hot?" Many of the posts include interesting or crazy hashtags, none of which I am going to write here, because I really wouldn't want you looking there anyways. Remember, we are talking about purity here.
Now again, in and of itself, there is nothing wrong with these kinds of posts. May I just toss out there as a word of caution. If I advertise for the world, something that I hold dear, I also am putting a lure out there. It may not be an intentional lure, but the bitter taste of displeasure, of dissatisfaction, of loneliness in others, or the misguided desires of self and self pleasure can so easily be ensnared by such a comment. And when I have just advertised my spouse to the world via social media, I have just put little targets on my relationship and without proper protection through prayer we can easily be hit.
My hope for my marriage is to keep the doors of dissatisfaction closed. To keep my one true love as just that, the one that I adore and will love until death do us part. And I will not put him out there as a banner for "hottest husband ever," "the studliest stud muffin," or "Mr. Romance 101...in the flesh." (Even if I believe all of that stuff to be true to me.)
So please know that it is ok with me that you don't even pay my husband any mind when it comes to his romance, his looks, his brains, or his brawn. Those things are reserved for me through the covenant of marriage, and believe me, I waited a long, long time for my prince charming to come.
Rob and Jenna Crenshaw are founders of Crossroads Club